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If You Want Other People to Value You, You Have to Learn to Value Yourself First

If You Want Other People to Value You, You Have to Learn to Value Yourself First 1

Self-worth comes from knowing and understanding your higher values and desires and how they translate to specific needs you have.

Boundaries help us to delineate and communicate our needs to others clearly and set the conditions for what we are a “yes” to and open and receptive to experiencing, and where we are closed and a firm “no.”

Needs can vary from the most basic self-care, such as having access to food, shelter, healthcare, and monetary resources, to more complex needs like wanting to feel heard, valued, or understood by others.

For example, maybe you have a specific preference for the way you would like your significant other to show up in relationship with you.

Perhaps, you’ve learned that you feel more connected and valued by your significant other, friend, family member, or roommate if they consistently take out the trash or clean up after themselves?

Maybe, over the years, you’ve discovered that you feel more trust in your relationships with your friends or partners if they make a consistent effort to text and call you to see how you are doing?

We can also have even deeper needs that may arise. We could feel a need and a strong desire to feel connected to a deeper sense of purpose or creativity.

We may be in touch with the yearning to feel like we have the freedom to be ourselves and follow our passions, which translates to the need to freely express yourself to others or feel supported by those around you to do what you most love to do.

Understanding what our higher values and desires are is the first step. The second step is to become present with our higher values and desires and how they translate to specific needs we have.

By meeting our own needs, we then learn how to translate them into the expression of the boundaries that support us in knowing the specific conditions that support us in connecting with our higher values and personal truths.

The clearer we are around our needs, values, and boundaries, the less guesswork we leave for other people when we lean into connection and relationship with them. The less guesswork there is, the more room there is for greater intimacy, trust, clear communication, and connection.

Through learning to wholly value, honor, and respect yourself, you invite others to do the same and create the foundation through which others can deeply honor and meet you in the ways you are most worthy and deserving of.

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